When you think about working well with enemies, one leader in our history standout, Abraham Lincoln. Yes! He was the U.S. President during the midst of our civil war, not particularly positive interaction time. But that did not change the fact that it is work with others even within his own party, he was a master at turning difficult relationships around to someone he could work with effectively.
It was said in the diary of one of the U.S. senators that in a conversation with another senator they were talking about an individual from the other party that they did not like. In the midst of that conversation, Lincoln joined them. He listened and then said before leaving, you know, I don’t like that man I must get to know him better. That one statement summarizes the message of how to work well with even our most difficult people.
Most people we have difficulty with we avoid. We selectively scanned for evidence to keep them an enemy and there’s very little chance of turning that relationship around without positive interaction. Abraham Lincoln do the importance of those side conversations of using of sense of humor of initiating contact. In fact, Doris Kearns Goodwin and her book Team of Rivals describes the unique characteristic of Lincoln of bringing even his enemies within his own party into his cabinet. It’s that all it’s because your friends be keep your enemies even closer. It was in the midst of that interactions together with those people who previously had fought against him that he built a kind of relationships that allowed them to prevail in that civil war. He built a sense of unity by risking to be different. He went out of his comfort zone and spent time with this difficult people.
I hope you can learn from him. Take the time to sit with your difficult people. Imagine the pain you go in for a meeting and you see them and “Oh there you are” go sit with them. I would imagine they’d be saying themselves of “Oh no he’s coming here,” but in the midst of that conversation you can talk about anything that is not in conflict relation, share a funny story from your own experience but you’re building a bridge that allow you to get that base of trust which allows even that difficult interactions to be seen differently.
I hope you take your time to read my article at Epoch Times “How We Make ‘Enemies’ and How to Turn Them Around.” Thanks for watching.
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